In 2008, MW and i got married. Around the same time we discussed plans for when we passed away. We bought our burial plot and that was it. Last year we again discussed what we wanted to do for our funerals, and firming up those plans and making our wills was on the agenda for 2015. Well 2015 never came for MW. He passed away without a will, and left me with a mess to sort out.
Unbeknownst to me, he let the life insurance on his mortgage lapse, so I was left to pay his mortgage. I had to go to court to get made administrator of his estate. That was not a cheap option, but it’s done now. House is in my name, mortgage in still in the “Estate of ….” until it comes up for renewal in a few years.
We planned to be buried together. But then neither of us planned to die before our parents, or to die so young. The urn that got bought was a companion urn, which doesn’t get buried until the second person passes on and their remains go in the other side. That was my plan when he first passed away. His family was pressuring me to bury him in the family plot. He had bought a plot in a cemetery on the other side of the city away from the family plot – what does that say?
So now it’s 8 months later. I’m cleaning out the house in preparation to get rid of it. His mother comes to take her things and asks to have a chat with me. She realizes I’m no longer happy in the house and that I’m not spending time there (I have nosy family members and neighbours – they drive by and watch what’s going on, I’ve seen them). They’ll drive by now, but not once were they to be seen during the harsh winter we had when I might have needed their help. So back to the MIL visit – she tells me she wants some money from the sale of the house to pay for the funeral (which MW didn’t want). I tell her to stand in line behind a creditor of MW’s who by the way own the mortgage on the house. They want to monies he owed them before he died.
The house was under renovation when he died. It’s not finished. There’s a major leak in the basement as well. The housing market here is bad – too many houses, not enough buyers, and prices are high. So what do I do? I don’t have the money to make all the repairs and finish the renovations, and I highly doubt I’ll get what’s owing on the house. Then there’s the carrying costs while trying to sell. So after consulting my lawyer, I’ve decided to move everything out and turn the keys over to the mortgage company telling them there’s no more money in his estate and that I cannot carry the mortgage any longer. It’s just bricks and mortar.
Last week I also made the decision to give the urn to his mother, so she can bury him. I’m only 51 and much too young to spend my life waiting to die to be buried with him. I want to move on with my life, find someone new to spend time with. Life is way too short!! So i’m giving his mother the urn so she can bury him in the family plot. When my time comes, I’ll be buried in the plot we bought at the other cemetery.
I’ve been seeing a wonderful man for a short time now. He’s been very patient with me while I deal with all these things and I have his support. So it’s time to say my final goodbye to MW and move forward with my life. I will never forget him, and he will always own a special place in my heart. My heart is big enough to love again.