Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , ,

This morning i was tasked with writing a post for WordPress, subject was my choice. i instantly knew what i wanted to write about.

Today is the last day of my sick leave. Tomorrow, after 2 1/2 months, i return to work. i was asked how i felt about that and i have to admit i’m excited to be going back. i’ve missed the friendships and camaraderie i’ve had with these people for 8 1/2 years now. They have become family. i’m also going to be moving into a new job sometime in the next couple of weeks. Same office, same people, just a different role. i’m looking forward to the learning that comes with the job, and also the change of pace.

It’s been a very long 2 1/2 months. The first of it passed so quickly. Dealing with death and it’s aftermath makes your head spin. The paperwork and red tape you have to go through is mind boggling. Then comes the cleaning out of the belongings. Not an easy task at the best of times. But it’s on ongoing process, and likely will continue for quite some time.

i’ve found myself foundering as a submissive at times. i’m not used to living on my own. This is actually the first time in all my 51 years that i’ve not lived in someone’s house, or with someone. It’s both exhilarating and scary all at the same time. A place that’s all mine – my sanctuary. A place that’s all mine – oh hell, responsibility for upkeep! It’s daunting, but i will prevail. i am strong.

During this time off i’ve also learned a lot about myself and my needs. i’ve come to realize i am a very strong person, but also that i don’t want to remain alone. i’ve found myself exploring my boundaries, and enjoying the process. But most of all, i’ve connected with new F/friends and reconnected with old friends, both in the kink community and in the vanilla world. i’ve learned who truly has my back when times are tough. i was actually surprised somewhat by those findings. 

There have been times when i ached so bad to submit, mentally and physically. Thankfully i have a very good Friend who has helped me out. A couple of Them actually. One who flogs the stresses from my body and gives me physical release, and the Other, He’s the one who engages my mind, and my submissive soul. He’s the One who makes me think about how i’m feeling after a task, usually directing me to write about it. He holds me accountable for my actions, and has expectations of me. When i fail those, there are consequences and i willingly take the punishments handed down, because i respect Him and also because they are learning opportunities.

While neither Dom will be my future Master, They are both classed as very good friends, and will always have my utmost respect, as Dominants, as Friends, as Men. i just hope i find One like them who will be happy to Own me. i wish for these Doms to find Their ones.